Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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