she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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