its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
