I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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