OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
