I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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