OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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