does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
