I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
