he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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