Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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