alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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