WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
