What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
