the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
