i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
