listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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