that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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