yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
