; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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