If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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