I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
