We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm too high and old for this...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
