so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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