Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
