We're like a lot better than the average bears
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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