I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
