Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
