Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
