Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
