Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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