Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
