Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
