what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i would punch a child for taco bell
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
