Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
