I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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