She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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