in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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