dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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