i barfeds in our rink
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm having to shit out rocks
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