Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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