Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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