maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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