State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
