Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
