Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
