I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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