I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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