R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
