wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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