i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
