Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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