In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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