just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
