I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
