We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
