DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
