i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
