i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
