apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
