hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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