How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize