So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
