This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
