everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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