Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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