My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
